Sleeping Beauty and the 1600 (Useless) Crewmates
by JuHuaTai
Summary: There's a fruit that emulates a folklore, where the person who ate it goes into deep sleep and can only be waken up by a true love's kiss. And of course, someone, namely one Portgas D. Ace, was dumb enough to eat it, and Marco might just found himself to be the most reluctant 'prince charming' in the world.


Very, very loosely based on Snow White and the 7 Dwarves.

Look, this is a stupid crack story because i'm bored and i need the distraction. It's even written like under in like an hour or so, so you know nothing about this fic is to be taken seriously.

Having said all of that, however:

Hope you'd enjoy!

* * *

He warned Ace not to eat it. But of course, he should've known by now that 'don't' and 'don't eat' would automatically autocorrects itself into 'please continue' and 'consume to your heart's content' in the mysterious inner workings of Ace's mind.

"No, wait, i shouldn't be concerned as to why he would do the exact opposite to what i told him not to do. I knew this would happen eventually," Marco sighed, staring down at the peacefully slumbering form in the middle of the panicking crowd, and shifted his gaze to the lone fruit lying a feet away, innocently rolling around with a bite mark visible on its side.

"I think the more obvious question is, why in the name of the 4 seas would anyone ever think of bringing a fruit known to curse whoever consume it when they know we have an _Ace_ on board?"

"Can you please save the monologue for some other time and give us a hand?! He's not waking up! He's really not waking up, oh god, this isn't narcolepsy! The story was real!"

"And so you have been warned, Thatch, and yet you still think it's a good idea to bring it on board,"

The fruit itself looked highly inconspicuous, similar to a summer fruit from East Blue in form, but instead of the colour being one of sunset, this one held the colour of blood, littered by little black dots. The surface seems waxy, able to reflect the event happening in front of it, and was only marred by the visible flesh within it, which was white as snow. The only silver lining in all of this is at least there is no way it could be a Devil Fruit, or else Marco will be a lot more concerned.

Marco wasn't there when the rest of the crew caught wind of the island's famous folklore, told by one of the elders to the children yet somehow gained the attention of notorious adult pirates. It told the story of a princess, with hair dark as ebony, lips red as rose and skin as white as the snow, who was hunted down by her stepmother, the queen, for being the most fair on land. She ended up staying with a tribe of Tontattas to hide from her, assisting the little village with daily chores, until the queen found her and gave her a poisoned fruit while in disguise. The story ended up happily, with the princess being saved by a prince charming through a true love's kiss, and there was much celebration.

That story made absolutely no goddamn sense to Marco - There hasn't been a sighting of Tontattas in centuries, there is no way a kiss would cure someone from poison unless that person is a devil fruit user, and why would you kill someone for being more beautiful than you - but it was at the point when Thatch brilliantly revealed to the entire crew that he had bought a fruit from the famous story, regaling another story to the captive audience about how this fruit came from that folklore.

Marco already had a premonition the moment the fruit was revealed, and it was proven true not a few moments later, when someone shouted and Ace was already on the floor, the bitten fruit rolling out of his limp hand.

"I just wanted to collect it, i never meant for anyone to eat it!" Thatch cried out, both hands dug deep to the side of his head, "What do we do?!"

"What else? We sail back to that island and ask for a cure or an antidote,"

"There is no cure or antidote, Marco, didn't you hear the story?!"

Yes, he did, but he didn't know what that has to do with anything. Based on what Thatch managed to told him before everyone's attention was shifted away to the fact that Ace ate the fruit and fainted, it came from a peddler who boasted how the fruit was imbued with a potion to emulate the story by putting someone to sleep. The fruit even looked the same as it was described in the story, so it was probably only a novelty item or sorts. Well, it turns out that it was the real deal, so he should also know how to cure it, right?

But when he told this to the rest of the crew, everyone looked at him as if he had grown a second hand, "That's not it, Commander!" Bojes, one of the crewmate closest to him insisted, gesturing towards Ace's slumbering form. He was lifted up by Atmos with no effort, cradled in a position not unlike how one would carry the princess in that folklore. Maybe it was on purpose, "The true love's kiss! You have to wake him up with true love's kiss!"

That sentence was so simple and easily understood, yet Marco's mind could not comprehend, "I'm sorry?"

"He has to be kissed by his true love!" someone else piped up, followed by agreeing mutters, "That's how the princess woke up!"

"Are you all out of your damn mind? A children bedtime story is no indication about a real world situation, and it certainly isn't going to give us a solution," The blonde Commander groaned out, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. Why are they all like this? This is supposed to be the crew of a Yonko, one of the strongest, if not the strongest man on the sea. Sometimes, they behaved even worse than children, "Whatever. Compass, Pequod, get me the Eternal Pose. Stubb, go find your Division Commander and tell Kingdew to turn the route around, i'll tell Pops about thi—"

"But, Marco! How do you know it won't work if you hadn't tried it?!"

The Zoan Fruit user stopped on his tracks, and turned slowly.

Almost everyone present on the deck was staring intently at him, and not a single one seems to be close to bursting in laughter or looked remotely joking. Even Pequod, his most trusted navigator refused to move, only staring at him defiantly along with his brothers.

Marco blinked once, twice, "Alright," he sighed heavily, pinching the furrowed area between his eyebrows, feeling a migraine coming despite his power making it virtually impossible, "So what do you propose i do about this?"

Thatch, the ever so blameful perpetrator in this entire mess, stepped out of the crowd and pointed to Ace's motionless body in Atmos's hold, "Isn't it obvious?! You have to kiss him!"

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, Commander! You have to kiss him!"

"Like in the story!"

"True love's kiss!"

" _Enough!"_ Marco screeched, stomping down a foot imbued by enough _Haki_ to cause a deep crack on the floor and effectively silencing the crowd. It did the desired effect, even making most of them take a step back, "I don't know what sort of man you all think i am, but if you think i'm going to molest someone who wasn't even awake, then you get another thing coming!"

The silence in reply was deafening, "Besides, why me? The prince who woke the princess up in that story was a complete stranger, isn't he? He just happens to pass by the funeral the Tontattas gave her, thinking that she's dead," after saying that, Marco frowned, "Holy shit, what sort of stories is that island telling their children? A necrophiliac prince? Killing someone who is more beautiful than you? Boa Hancock probably had her hands full with murderous wanna-be killers if that's true,"

It was probably the bright sun above playing tricks on his eyes, but Marco swore he just saw Ace twitch. A second later, he saw that Atmos was just adjusting his arm, so that might be it.

Nobody gave him any reply, other than merely giving each other glances. Ah, as he suspected, they didn't think too long—

"So what you're saying is, you're okay with someone else kiss Ace to wake him up instead?"

Marco whirled around to where the voice came from and found himself face to face with Izou's dubious look, with one perfectly plucked brow raised high, "N-no, that's not what i—"

"Oh, geez, Marco, we all asked you because you're easily the most noble one out of us, and there's probably no other way. We know you won't take advantage of our little firefly," the crossdresser continued, waving his fan in front of a face full of disapproval, "After all, look at him! So young, with smooth skin, soft dark hair, soft lips and rosy, freckled cheeks, oh, usually his narcolepsy would make people too shocked to do anything, but now, he's so defenseless, who knows what sort of pervert would be invited to take a piece of that?"

"I don't— He's not— No one would—"

Izou closed his fan with a sharp snap, and turned his gaze back to Marco, "No one? Are you sure about that?"

Marco opened and closed his mouth incredulously, and he can't think of anything to say. Atmos shifted his arms again, causing Ace's head to loll to the side. His dark, wavy hair framed his peaceful sleeping face, the slightly parted mouth making his lips looked fuller, and there's a slightly flush on his cheeks indeed, probably for being under the sun for too long.

A sigh broke his concentration - that is, concentrating on Ace's sleeping face - and he saw Thatch turned to the others, "Well, i guess Marco's not going to do it. Shame, but more chances for the rest of us," he licked two of his fingers, used them to carefully primp his hair, eyebrows and goatee. Marco saw him do that many times, especially when he was about to approach a beautiful woman, "After all, the role of a prince charming who will give the princess her true love kiss fits the most handsome man on this ship, doesn't it?"

And just like that, the noises start.

"Fuck off, Thatch, you're prince charmless, that's what you are!"

"Ay, you looking for a fight?!"

"Yeah, it could be just about anyone, isn't it? I bet i'm Commander Ace's true love!"

"No way man, i was one of the Spade Pirates, i've been with him way longer than the rest of you!"

"Didn't the story say that the princess fell in love with the prince after she woke up?"

Marco would've kick every single one of the people around him with another bouts of Haki, had he not seen Atmos taking a discreet peek around him and _leaned down._

In a burst of blue and yellow, the 13th Division Commander was flung to the water, along with several unlucky crew members that was on the enraged phoenix's path. By the time everyone was aware of their surrounding, Marco stood on the very back of the crowd with Ace carried in his arms, face and voice filled with pure rage as he tightened his grip around the younger man's body.

"You are all out of your goddamn mind and i will report this to Pops!"

* * *

"The way i see it, Marco my boy, is that they're right," Whitebeard nodded sagely, seemingly to all the world oblivious to his 'eldest child's' shocked expression, "There doesn't seem to be any other way,"

Right now, Marco felt like screaming, but he doesn't know who he wanted to scream and aim his frustration to.

"You can't be serious, Pops!" he exclaimed instead, staring up in disbelief at their 'father', "They all think that everyone taking turns at kissing Ace is a good idea to wake him up!"

"Well, that's how the story goes, isn't it?" the older man simply said, turning to the accused crowd for confirmation. They nodded, with Thatch being the most enthusiastic, "See? How else do you propose to go through with this, Marco?"

"Not whoring out an unconscious boy to over 1000 people may be a good first step!"

How is that a hard concept to get?!

From the second crowd of people, namely the people who weren't there when the unfortunate event occurred, Rakuyo piped up, "Well, it's hardly whoring out, is it? I mean, everyone knows Ace here, and we're doing this for the greater good—"

"What greater good?! And what do you mean 'we'?! You're not getting involve in this and adding more!"

"And it's just a kiss. It's not like we have to have sex with him or something—"

"The first person who even think of touching him inappropriately will be shaking hands with death, mark my word!"

"Look, Marco, you're so against this, but how else are we supposed to know who is his true love kiss?"

"Come up with a plan! Find a cure! Go back to that island and ask around for an antidote, or find someone who can remove this sort of thing! Anything that doesn't involve having the entire world have a go at a hapless soul!"

"You know, Marco, if you wanted to kiss Ace first, we all understand, you don't have to make up so many excuses,"

"I will actually burn you! I will find whoever said that and i will burn you to crisp!"

* * *

In the end, even as night falls, there was no resolution met, and Ace continues to sleep.

Everyone else left for dinner, even Pops, leaving Marco all alone in the large bedroom and sitting on the edge of the plush bed. He'd trust his _nakama_ with his life, but right now, he has not reason to trust them with Ace.

"Useless, the lot of them," he cursed in frustration, crossing his arms in front of his chest. The blonde turned, eyeing the sleeping figure in the middle of the large mattress, "And you, you moron, how the hell do you get involved in this sort of situation in the first place? What are you, 5? You don't eat just about everything you can get your hands on, have you ever been taught that? Were you raised in the forest or something?"

Ace didn't answer.

Marco sighed again.

He could fly back to the island himself, and it would've been faster that way, but leaving means there is no telling what will be done to Ace in his absence, and it depressed Marco to think that he may be the last bastion in protecting Ace's chastity. He could probably just take Ace along and sail back in one of the Mini Mobys, but they are far too close to the Red Line right now to risk sailing in such a small boat.

Sending someone in his place is just a lost cause. Everyone will just keep on insisting that the only cure available is the true love's kiss and that there's absolutely no other way.

With another sigh, the Zoan user plopped down to the bed, and was surprised to see petals falling over his face. He removed them with a quick wipe of his face, and turned.

While everyone was gathered in front of the Captain's quarters earlier, discussing the current predicament, someone - most likely Izou, based on the suddenly appearing vegetations - had the bright idea of putting Ace on Whitebeard's large bed and decorating him with flowers. Ace now lied on his back, with both hands placed on top of his stomach, a single red amaryllis placed on his hair with multicolour flower petals surrounding him. If Marco caught the story correctly, this is supposedly how the princess from the story's funeral went.

He would've thrashed the entire display, perhaps using an excuse on how it looks like an unsettling omen waiting to happen, but he couldn't.

Izou - or whoever the idiot who did this was - did a really good job.

At the thought of the kimono-clad man, Marco was reminded of what he said before.

Underneath all of the aggression and boyishness, Ace is a beauty, there's no questioning it. Fair skin that easily turned red under the sun - a characteristic he still retain even after gaining his Devil Fruit - well-sculpted body, supple and lean, hard and soft in all the right places, and, much to Marco's shame for even noticing, a well rounded rear that he knew turned quite a few eyes, both male and female. Including his.

He's also always been expressive, but lying still like this, not buried on a full plate or in careless abandon like usual, he looked peaceful. His lips wasn't as soft as Izou said, a little chapped due to the open air, and it was slightly asymmetrical, perfect to create that smug grin he often wore after defeating a particularly brash enemy. His hair was dark as night, though in certain light, they turned slightly red-brown, complimenting the orange tint he liked to wear on his person. Little freckles made him even look younger, pert nose that Marco saw several Commanders pinched and pulled to tease him, and secretly wished he was daring enough to do the same.

Ace is definitely no princess, but if that story was up to Marco, he'd be the fairest in the land, no competition.

"Fuck," he cursed, smacking his forehead as a form of self-punishment, "Stop that, Marco,"

He's easily the most noble out of all of them? Don't make him laugh. Maybe he's more responsible, but he's nowhere near noble, especially when it comes to their young friend.

If anyone ever found out just how many time Marco thought of pushing Ace down in the deck for everyone to see, or even fantasize about pulling him into his quarter and not letting him go for days, then they'd all know he's probably the last person who should ever stay on guard. He had self-restrain, but with ever smile Ace threw at him and with every innocent touch, it withered away layer by layer.

There's no fraternization law on board, as everyone was expected to work out their differences like an adult. And it's not like there's a lot of failed relationship as pirates; their lives is one full of danger, and thus people seek comfort whenever they could. Relationship as a pirate doesn't work like civilians, with long courting rituals and romance, it was quick, with the thought that tomorrow, you may piss off the wrong person or you got caught by some marine stronger than you and you're out.

Marco never chose that sort of outlet, unlike Thatch who prefers the company of faceless bar women, or Fossa, who secretly sneaked about with one of the nurses for years now. He always thought it was a pain to maintain, and he has other things to worry about, like Pops' declining health.

But then Ace came like a storm, with his anger and threats on Pops, with his secret insecurity, and blew away all of his natural balance. Marco never wanted anyone else more.

"This is so stupid," he muttered, realizing that he had been staring at Ace for far too long to be normal, "And so wrong, why are you so still? You're never meant to be so still for so long,"

Ace was supposed to be animated and full of life. He's supposed to be a fighter. No stupid fruit and folklore should've been able to keep him still, he should've been fighting it, kicking and screaming.

But he's not, because of that stupid fruit and the stupid folklore.

"Dammit, you're not some hapless princess, you're supposed to be stronger than that, aren't you? You can't even beat a damn fruit and you wanted to beat Pops?" Marco knows that he's being stupid now, because he's essentially wasting his breath talking to himself. But everything that happened today frustrate him for some reason, even more than the crew's usual shenanigan, "Face it, Ace, nobody in this goddamn ship is some prince charming. Everyone's pretty much the furthest thing away from royalty around here,"

Then again, as everyone else has pointed out, the emphasis wasn't on the prince part, it was on the true love kiss part.

"Is there really no other way? So you gotta be kissed by what, someone that you love? I don't even know if you have someone you liked,"

Though on the flip side of that, however, Marco may know someone.

The man bit his lower lips, cautiously looking around the obviously empty room, and paying extra attention to the closed door, "Just… have to give you a kiss, right?"

Ace breathed lightly, his chest rose up and down gently. He gave no reply, but Marco didn't expect him to.

Taking a single deep breath and ignoring the thundering thumping on his chest, Marco sat up right next to Ace's side. He swallowed, surprising himself with how dry his throat felt, "I'm just… doing this to prove the others wrong. And we can go back to the island sooner to find you a cure," the commander took in another deep breath, exhaling noisily from his mouth, "And i… promise i won't hide this, and you wanted to punish me for doing this to you, then by all means,"

He didn't think the future him will forgive him for this, but right now, he had no other choice.

It's for Ace's sake. Better to be kissed by one person than having an entire ship taking their chances at you, right?

Oh, he's such a fucking bullshitter.

Marco cradled Ace's face with one shaky hand, closed his eyes and lowered his head down until he pressed his lips on to Ace's.

He had kissed before, several times during his seemingly far away youth, but all of them had culminated from harried lovemaking. Ace deserved much better than that, yet Marco also wanted more than just one single quick peck. He tilted his head in just about the right angle, shuddering at the contact between skin, pinching the younger's lower lips gently between his lips. Marco stayed over Ace's prone body for far longer than he should, tasting the new flavor that he is sure is purely Ace and savoring it for as long as he allowed himself.

Torn between guilt and desire to stay longer, Marco slowly retreated, lifting himself away.

Until the lips under his suddenly moved, reaching up for him.

Marco made a shocked noise, but it was stifled by the mouth aggressively clinging to his, biting and puckering in a sloppy, obviously amateur moves. Ace's eyes were still closed, from what he could see as his eyes flew wide open in shock, but there's an unmistakable pair of arms holding him down, one circling around his shoulder and the other running through his hair.

Ace bit his lower lips none too gently, and with their lips only separated by a hairline, whispered 'Marco?'

Marco decided to _fuck it all_.

He climbed on top of Ace properly, straddling the body beneath him as he showed the younger what a proper kiss was, sighing every time the hand on the back of his scalp pulled at his hair. Ace let out a low moan, arching up and letting their chest graze against each other, his other hand clawing gently at his shoulder like a harmless kitten. He let out a louder moan as Marco traced his sides with his other hand, kissing him harder until their lips bruised and their breath turned short.

When he finally let up, Ace was panting hard, eyes glazed and lips red and puckered. His raven hair was splayed about in abandon on top of Pop's massive pillows, and they had made a giant mess out of the flower petals. The red amaryllis has fallen from over his ear to the side of his head, which Marco picked up and place back in its earlier position. The red petal and the healthy flush on Ace's face compliments each other, so much that it stole what was left of Marco's breath.

Ace laughed breathily, "Hey there, prince charming,"

Despite his frustration regarding this entire situation, Marco only laughed, "Hey there, sleeping beauty,"

"You think i'm a beauty?"

The blonde snorted, as he loomed over Ace once more. The younger looked giddy, as if he hadn't just been put to sleep for nearly a day by the most stupid thing ever, "You don't get to fish for compliment after the stress you put me through today,"

The raven haired male pouted, looking so endearing that Marco could've kissed him again.

Then, Ace cocked his head, smiling lopsidedly in that endearing way that Marco liked very, very much, "Can i at least get another kiss?"

He didn't have to ask twice; Marco willingly gave him that and more.

* * *

 **OMAKE:**

"Well Pops?"

Every crew member of the Whitebeard pirates stared in trepidation at the newly arrived captain, emerging from the halls that leads to the lowest area of the Moby Dick, where his quarters were placed.

The old man let out a sigh, and said with a fond look on his face, "I want my sheets to be cleaned with hot water. Lots and lots of hot water,"

The chaos that nearly erupted from joy was shushed down quickly before it could bother the two people in the Captain's quarters, so everyone settled with shaking hands and patting each other's back for a job well done. From inside of the kitchen, the 4th Division, led by Thatch emerged, bringing out an entire secret stash of alcoholic drinks, kept far away from Marco's knowledge.

"You know, i didn't think it would actually work," Thatch commented, taking a bite out of the another smuggled product: a fruit with the colour of blood, the same fruit that had 'cursed' Ace into deep slumber, an entirely normal fruit that only grows in that particular island, "I thought Marco was going to figure us all out a couple of times. Way to go with that follow up, Izou,"

The gunslinger preened at the compliments thrown at his direction, smirking behind his fan, "Hmph, you just have to know how to play them. Men like Marco thinks they're above it all, but all they need was just a push to the right direction."

"Hear, hear!"

Whitebeard let out a jolly laugh, lowered down in volume slightly as not to alert the two down in his room. Not that they would even notice; when he checked on them earlier, they seems to be too preoccupied with each other to notice anything else, "Well done, to all of you. You all played your roles beautifully, and i am glad to see all of my sons happy,"

"Some of us more than others!"

The comment was met with catcalls, and right in the middle, Thatch stood, holding his drink up high while still chewing on his half-eaten fruit, "To Pops, for having the greatest crew in the world!"

"To us! For a great performance!"

"To Ace! For coming up with the best, most creative idea ever to snag his man!"

"And to Marco, who's probably gonna get laid a lot more often from now on and can finally stop being a stick in the mud and leave us be!"

That last declaration was met with many cheers, and become the start of an impromptu party, to celebrate a newly hatched relationship in between them.

* * *

"What's wrong, Pops?"

Whitebeard stared forlornly at the door leading to his quarters, and turned to Jozu, "I just realized this, but i don't have anywhere to sleep tonight,"

Jozu blinked, and gave the door a brief look before laughing, "Don't worry, Pops, we'll gather all of our beds into one for you. Just like what the princess did with the Tontatta tribe's beds,"

* * *

One thing that even the rest of the crew didn't know: Ace totally fell asleep for real during half of the things that happened, because Marco doth protest too much and he has narcolepsy, okay? It's hard to just pretend to be asleep.

Thanks for reading! Gotta say writing these little one shots are fun, and my work required a long waiting period. I'm definitely doing this again. Oh well.

Hope you liked it!


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